Oh great, so now he loves hamsters

I didn't watch much of the DNC convention, but apparently it was a real doozy:

In a prime-time address, John Kerry's daughter, Alexandra, 37, told how when they were youngsters, her sister Vanessa, now 27, had insisted on taking her hamster on vacation. While the family was waiting for a boat, their golden retriever knocked the hamster cage into the water. Her father "grabbed an oar, fished the cage from the water, hunched over the soggy hamster and began to administer CPR," she said. "He was never quite right after that, but Licorice lived."

From the St. Petersburg Times


WARNING: LANGUAGE! YES, FROM MEEEEE! WELL, I EDITED IT A LEEETLE BIT:

DNC CONVENTION DIRECTOR DON MISCHER AIRED ON CNN AS KERRY ENDS SPEECH, HEARD WORLDWIDE:

'Go balloons, go balloons! Go balloons! I don't see anything happening. Go balloons! Go balloons! Go balloons! Standby confetti. Keep coming, balloons. More balloons. Bring it- balloons, balloons, balloons! We want balloons, tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No confetti. No confetti yet.

'No confetti. All right, go balloons, go balloons. We need more balloons. All balloons! All balloons! Keep going! Come on, guys, lets move it. Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go, godbleepit. Go confetti. Go confetti. More confetti. I want more balloons. What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons.

'We need all of them coming down. Go balloons- balloons? What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down! All balloons, what the hell! There's nothing falling! What the eff are you guys doing up there? We want more balloons coming down, more balloons. More balloons. More balloons'...

From the Drudge Report.

Okay, so he didn't say "eff" he said the actual word. All I can say is, what an interesting campaign season this is going to be.

Weird

Disney's Tigger Mixed Up in Molestation Trial

Heresy of the Week

Catharism (11th Century)

Catharism was a complicated mix of non-Christian religions reworked with Christian terminology. The Cathars had many different sects; they had in common a teaching that the world was created by an evil deity (so matter was evil) and we must worship the good deity instead.

The Albigensians formed one of the largest Cathar sects. They taught that the spirit was created by God, and was good, while the body was created by an evil god, and the spirit must be freed from the body. Having children was one of the greatest evils, since it entailed imprisoning another "spirit" in flesh. Logically, marriage was forbidden, though fornication was permitted. Tremendous fasts and severe mortifications of all kinds were practiced, and their leaders went about in voluntary poverty.

From Catholic Answers.

Photo-op gone wrong

Now, I think any attempt to turn this into a Mike Dukakis Shmuck-in-a-tank incident will fail. BUT it is still ... amusing. He he he heeeeee!

See, God has a sense of humor

I would say He certainly has a great deal of material to work with ...

Woman with weird, paranoid fear of whales attacked by whale

I would say this Great Beast of the Deep was probably just frustrated with being mistaken for a fish. Mammals of the Sea, unite! (The other mammal is ... dolphins, right?)

Someone shoot me, or give me a poison Snickers or something

This job is kiiiiilling me. Honestly, I can not survive getting up at 4 AM any longer. Betsy gets up at 3:30 because she likes to shower in the morning instead of in the evening like I do. She's nuts. At first I thought I was lucky that the work was so easy, but now I realize that I prefer labor that involves more skill than pressing the number '6' and the Enter key over and over and over again until I feel my finger-tips are about to fall off. Keyboard fatigue, it's an ugly thing.

Everyone agrees that ours are the most useless positions in the universe and that we are practically robbing Allstate by actually taking money for what we do. Well, it is mind-numbing. Maybe they're paying us for the pain and suffering! The most interesting part of the day was our lunch half-hour (an hour would be too long of a break from the six enter six enter six enter stuff) in which Annette, Betsy and I had an in-depth conversation about how they could train apes to do what we do. Maybe I will buy an ape, bring him to the office, and have him do the work while I sit there reading National Review. Except, I let my subscription lapse. Dang it. I guess I'll have to make do with my brother's old copies of Nintendo Power. Now, I just have to find a place where I can buy an ape ...

HA HA HA !!!

Mmmmm, "Nuns With Guns" as Fr. Sibley says. Of course, I am pictured - I'm the one second from the left, cantcha recognize me? ... ;)

Money money money ... money

I got my refund from mean old Uncle Sam! Three hundred-fifty odd dollars and some-such cents. I was pleased. I have two checks from Kelly (or should I say Allstate?) waiting to be cashed. This is a good thing since I am down to about 50 bucks in my bank account. Down from the 3,000 I earned working for Alltel last year! Needless to say I will not have that much to spend this year. Oh well, I will live. Somehow ;)

Friday with Florence

Classic Florence King in National Review: "Conventional Kissing" (No it's not dirty! Slaps reader (probably Leslie, he he he) across face ... ducks return slap...)

Great Blog

Not reading it daily yet, but I think I will be soon: Bettnet.com, from Domenico Bettinelli, Jr.

Heresy of the Week

Monophysitism (5th Century)

Monophysitism originated as a reaction to Nestorianism. The Monophysites (led by a man named Eutyches) were horrified by Nestorius’s implication that Christ was two people with two different natures (human and divine). They went to the other extreme, claiming that Christ was one person with only one nature (a fusion of human and divine elements). They are thus known as Monophysites because of their claim that Christ had only one nature (Greek: mono = one; physis = nature). Orthodox Catholic theologians recognized that Monophysitism was as bad as Nestorianism because it denied Christ’s full humanity and full divinity. If Christ did not have a fully human nature, then he would not be fully human, and if he did not have a fully divine nature then he was not fully divine.

From Catholic Answers

The end is near (in sight)

Indeed, Betsy and I have decided to bid Allstate au revoir by August 10th. That will leave me a little bit of time to get ready ... pack ... lie around the house doing nothing. You know, productive things like that. Betsy always complains that I do nothing except go to work, then come home and sleep. It's true, I do like to sleep, nap, wake up, and sleep some more. It all starts when you just liiiiie down just to rest your poor aching bones for a few innocent harmless minutes, and then the Sandman steeeeals over you and before you know it you're eye-deep in La la land, dreaming of days when the temperature is actually summerish and you don't have to drive through thick and noxious fog in the morning to get to work.

Ahhh, the eerie morning fog. It is thicker in some parts of the road, thinner in others. It is always arranged perfectly so that I can not see my way for raw sewage, if you'll pardon my langauge! The headlights don't help for raw sewage, either. I think I heard somewhere that it is a bad idea to use brights in fog, as they just bounce off the cloud and back toward you. Of course I avoid this piece of advice ... The dense soup-stew does not obscure the many figures of deer crowding the road. Ugh, I would like to play hit-and-run but I am too kind to God's woodland creatures. Just stay out of my waaaaaaay, deer! (Manic laughter)

Very cool

Via Dappled Things:

St. John Cantius Church has videos of Mozart's Requiem in D Minor and Schubert's Mass in B-flat.

I likey! 

Summer seems to go so fast

Especially after the Fourth of July. Zip zip zip, it's over! Not that it's going to kill me to get to see all my friends from college again :) LOL, I can feel the dining hall table salt trickling down from my hair already ;)

Speaking of mes cheres amies, Shanana is going to be home at last in a little while! Her family cruelly forced her to stay in Colorado for most of the summer. He he he, I'm just kidding, they're pretty cool, but don't they know what they're depriving all us Hudson chicas of? I'm suuuuure Shannon is weeeeping over having to leave those gorgeous Rocky Mountains for the always tropical paradise of Northeastern Ohio. I know I would. Sob, sob.

Anyway, it'll be the first time everyone's back in OH since Christmas break! Except for Nick, that slimeball, who's enjoying himself taking summer classes at DePaul University in Chicago. Arrrrgh, Nick, education, smeducation. You should drop out and come and live on the street around here. I'll have you know I would allllways give you a quarter in your panhandling cup! ;)

Maybe we can all get together and do something for Kat's birthday. She's 20, ya know! Me and Betsy got her a lame present and a lame birthday card in keeping with our cherished traditions of lameness. Nooooo, I'm not going to say what it is, that would spoil the lame surprise! Vee must haf our phun, you know. For some reason 20 seems  a lot older than 19 - I mean, changing from 19 to 20 seems like a bigger leap than 18 to 19 was. I guess it's because it means you're no longer a teenager, a "stupid kid" whose mistakes can mostly be excused on account of your relative youth. Ew, I don't wanna be a grown-up! What's the use in getting older if you don't drink? I can hear it now: "That's why you should start ..." ;)

Most amusing

From Angry Alien, the site that brought you all that Animated Bunnies fun, comes Amy's Diary. What's amazing is that it really does sound like some asinine third grader's diary. I base this assessment on my perusal of my OWN now-destroyed-buried-dug-up-burned-and-ashes-scattered-over-Lake-Erie third grade diary, which was immensely silly, cute, embarrassing (did I ever write that badly? Apparently, yes) and dumb. Enjoy this one, he he he! 

Sadness in my slightly-to-the-right-of-Attila-the-Hun world.

This sucks.

Federal Marriage Ammendment fails

Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel

I was baptized, made my first Confession, and made my first Holy Communion at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Oh, and my parents received their marriage instruction there, as well! We can all see what a lot of good that did, ha ha ha. Just kidding. The point is, I've always had a soft spot for Our Lady under this title!


Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel



From Catholic Encyclopedia: This feast was instituted by the Carmelites between 1376 and 1386 under the title "Commemoratio B. Marif Virg. duplex" to celebrate the victory of their order over its enemies on obtaining the approbation of its name and constitution from Honorius III on 30 Jan., 1226 (see Colvenerius, "Kal. Mar.", 30 Jan. "Summa Aurea", III, 737). The feast was assigned to 16 July, because on that date in 1251, according to Carmelite traditions, the scapular was given by the Blessed Virgin to St. Simon Stock; it was first approved by Sixtus V in 1587. After Cardinal Bellarmine had examined the Carmelite traditions in 1609, it was declared the patronal feast of the order, and is now celebrated in the Carmelite calendar as a major double of the first class with a vigil and a privileged octave (like the octave of Epiphany, admitting only a double of the first class) under the title "Commemoratio solemnis B.V.M. de Monte Carmelo". By a privilege given by Clement X in 1672, some Carmelite monasteries keep the feast on the Sunday after 16 July, or on some other Sunday in July. In the seventeenth century the feast was adopted by several dioceses in the south of Italy, although its celebration, outside of Carmelite churches, was prohibited in 1628 by a decree contra abusus. On 21 Nov., 1674, however, it was first granted by Clement X to Spain and its colonies, in 1675 to Austria, in 1679 to Portugal and its colonies, and in 1725 to the Papal States of the Church, on 24 Sept., 1726, it was extended to the entire Latin Church by Benedict XIII. The lessons contain the legend of the scapular; the promise of the Sabbatine privilege was inserted into the lessons by Paul V about 1614. The Greeks of southern Italy and the Catholic Chaldeans have adopted this feast of the "Vestment of the Blessed Virgin Mary". The object of the feast is the special predilection of Mary for those who profess themselves her servants by wearing her scapular.

Hilaaaaarious isn't it

LOL click for politico fun. Apparently it's just as amusing for liberals and conservatives alike! Everyone gets made fun of. Yay!

Heresy of the Week

Hmmm, circumcision...

The Circumcisers (1st Century)

The Circumcision heresy may be summed up in the words of Acts 15:1: "But some men came down from Judea and were teaching the brethren, Unless you are circumcised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved." Many of the early Christians were Jews, who brought to the Christian faith many of their former practices. They recognized in Jesus the Messiah predicted by the prophets and the fulfillment of the Old Testament. Because circumcision had been required in the Old Testament for membership in God's covenant, many thought it would also be required for membership in the New Covenant that Christ had come to inaugurate. They believed one must be circumcised and keep the Mosaic law to come to Christ. In other words, one had to become a Jew to become a Christian. They were wrong. God made it clear to Peter in Acts 10 that Gentiles are acceptable to God and may be baptized and become Christians without circumcision. The same teaching was vigorously defended by Paul in his epistles to the Romans and the Galatians to areas where the Circumcision heresy had spread.

From Catholic Answers

Ugh.

Guessss what? My hours at Allstate got switched to, drumroll please, 5 AM to 1:15 PM. That's right, I have to get up at 4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING in order to get to work on time and still have enough minutes to rip a brush through my hair, put some make-up on my sleep-smeared face and try to look with-it. The security guards can all recognize me, it's that bleary-eyed look that's making a comeback. Really. Yeah.

At least, I get out pretty early in the afternoon. The day still more or less lies ahead of me, and I've already put in a full day's work! Of course I have to go to bed at 11 o'clock every night so as to, ahem, minimize the no-sleep factor. Cuts both ways. Oh well, Betsy suffers with me. I'm trying to think of when would be a good time to quit - yes, that's the good old hard-working Maggie you all know and loooooove! :)

Poem from Crisis Magazine

Eucharistic Adoration

On Carmel’s peak Elijah stayed
To face the earthquake unafraid.

’Gainst fire and hurricane, the same.
But when from holy silence came
The still, small whisper to that place,
He wrapped his mantle round his face.

So seraphim, who meet the gaze
Of the Almighty whom they praise,
Cover their eyes in holy dread
At God’s sweet whisper in the Bread.

—Peter Kreeft

Stupid Question

If you were having a baby (not that I am, mind you. Ha ha, you can stop laughing now) what would you name him? Or her if it was a girl?

These are my top five for girls:

• Mary
• Eleanor
• Alice
• Catherine
• Anastasia

And my top five for boys:

• Anthony
• John
• Peter
• Thomas
• Gregory

Vat do yeeeeeeew zink?

Did you hear this news?

THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID
Aoccdrnig to a racheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and  lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.  The rset can be a  taotl msess and you can sitil raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is becusaeae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey  lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? 

Take My Life

Noooooow. I like my job - well, like is a strong word. I can tolerate it easily. But today was rotten hard - there was so much to do and we finished up about five minutes before quitting time.

We really are lucky to have gotten these positions, my sister and me, 'cuz this way it "minimizes family car use." There are a couple of other temps there, this nice but kind of strange guy named Chris and a middle-aged woman named Annette. Annette's mother is in the hospital for open-heart surgery and so she likes to talk about that. Oooo, snappish aren't I? I'm just kidding, I can understand why she's anxious. I just wish she understood how someone could want to pull their faces off their heads after listening about it for two weeks. Ick, I'm insensitive ...

The important thing is for us temps to stick together. LOL it's the "temps" versus the "perms." At my job last summer at Alltel, the perms hated the temps with almost passionate intensity and took full advantage of their perm position to cause pain, anguish, and difficulties. The perms at Allstate seem a lot nicer, but even so - ya gotta watch your back! Ha ha, Maggles the Mafioso!

Alien in 30 seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies)

Click here for bunny fun fun. I never saw the real movie, but even so the cartoon is hilarious :)

At last, a day to rest

Ahhh at last, I have a day off! It's a Tuesday. What happens on Tuesdays? Nothing, apparently, except a lot of sleeping ... The house was very quiet, nobody seemed to be awake when I came down. I was supposed to go shopping for shoes with Mother today, but I wasn't really looking forward to it anyway since she and I usually don't agree on what's in style. Or, "appropriate" which is Mother's favorite word.

Work is going okay although I'm feeling drained all the time. Ah well, I get my time card signed tomorrow and that'll give me three hundred smackaroos. Before taxes. Auuuuugh, you robbing-thieving-stealing government leeches!

Heresy of the Week

Jansenism (17th Century)

Jansenius, bishop of Ypres, France, initiated this heresy with a paper he wrote on Augustine, which redefined the doctrine of grace. Among other doctrines, his followers denied that Christ died for all men, but claimed that he died only for those who will be finally saved (the elect). This and other Jansenist errors were officially condemned by Pope Innocent X in 1653.

From Catholic Answers

Happy Birthday America!

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

Hilarious Raaarh!

Badgers Invade Kenya (Click)

Where can you see lioooooons
Only in Kenyaaaaa
Come to Kenya we've got lions!

I hate Steve McQueen

Well really I have no right to; I have never met the man, and I never will, him being dead and all. My mother has recently conceived an obsession with him. Apparently he was this fabulous actor from when she was my age, and she's having a mid-life flashback or something. She had a crush! on him and is reliving her youth - well that's fine and dandy, but why should I have to suffer?

Because you see, the result of all this mania is that she watches Steve McQueen movies over and over and over and over and over again until everyone else in the household, who is sane and does not drool over Steve McQueen, begins to sincerely wish they did not have eyes to see with and ears to hear with.

I exaggerate. But not by much!

Ha ha ha ha !!!

LOL this is funny, got it from The Corner on National Review Online.

NUMBER THEORY MEETS THE APOCALYPSE [John Derbyshire]
I couldn't resist this -- sent in by a reader. He is referring to the number of the Beast in Rev. 13:18.
--------------------
OK, we all know that 666 is the number of the Beast, but did you know that...

670 - Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000000 - Number of the High Precision Beast
665.9999954 - Number of the Pentium Beast
0.666 - Number of the Millibeast
/666 - Beast Common Denominator
666 x sq. rt (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010 - Binary of the Beast
1-666 - Area code of the Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$606.66 - Wal-Mart price of the Beast
$566.66 - Costco/Price Club price of the Beast
$0,00 - Home Depot price of the Beast, that aisle is closed at the moment
Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 - Way of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 -minimum deposit.
Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
- Number of the Blonde Beast
uh... what was that number again?
Posted at 07:24 PM